Chaplain Corner
Suicide in the Fire Service by Peggy Sweeney
Suicide is a very serious topic that we rarely discuss. Each year thousands of adults and children either attempt or complete suicide to resolve problems or put an end to emotional pain. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention1, statistics show that in 2007 approximately 34,598 people completed suicide in the United States. Suicide was the eleventh leading cause of death in this country; homicide ranked 15th. Specifically, more Americans kill themselves than are killed by other people. Men completed suicide four times more often than women. An alarmingly high rate of suicide deaths was seen in teenagers—third leading cause of death for this age group. Approximately 816,000 suicide attempts are made annually.
Survivors of Suicide
I have classified the survivors of suicide into three categories. First, people who have seriously contemplated suicide but have not followed through with their plan. If truth were known, I believe many people have had fleeting thoughts of taking their own life. Difficult problems with no apparent solution appear easier to solve if life was over. However, after a few hours or days they are able to resolve these problems and reinvest in life and living once again. Their thoughts of suicide dissipate and life returns to normal. Second, adults and children rescued before death following an attempted suicide. It has been my experience that one specific issue does not trigger genuine thoughts of suicide but rather a culmination of traumatic events or stressful situations. Left unresolved many people become overwhelmed by these events. All too often they believe suicide is the only answer. Their thoughts of suicide become more focused seemingly a ready answer for ending the deep emotional pain that has become their constant companion. They decide on a permanent solution for overcoming their fears or solving their problems. But in spite of their efforts to complete suicide someone stops them or calls 911 before it is too late. Rescuers have given them a second chance to rebuild their lives. Lastly, families and friends struggling with the death of someone loved who has completed suicide. When someone dies, it is always difficult for his or her family and friends to journey through grief. If their death, however, was due to suicide the trauma of their decision to end their life compounds the grieving process. The survivors must not only cope with grief but with the stigma that surrounds a death by suicide. This stigma began many centuries ago when the Catholic Church took a strong stand on the issue of suicide. Suicide was considered an unforgivable sin. The act of suicide went against the laws of God. Other churches agreed with this opinion and banned family members of suicide victims from participating in church functions. They were also shunned as outcasts by the people of the community. Their church and the people whom they needed the most at this devastating time turned their backs on them. Fortunately, our perceptions of suicide have changed over the years but many people still consider suicide a weakness. They condemn the victim for their actions and ignore the needs of the surviving family and friends. My personal opinion is that God is loving and forgiving. The family and friends (the survivors) need our love and support not our condemnation.
Understanding Suicide
To help you understand the severity of emotional trauma, I would like to paint a picture of what I have labeled the well of depression. It is a very deep, dark place; cold and lonely. The walls of this well are slimy and moss-covered. It smells putrid and the floor is broken and jagged; you are not able to maintain a stable footing. You have overwhelming feelings of emotional as well as physical pain. As you look up from the depths of the well you can see a faint glimmer of light. No matter how hard you try you cannot pull yourself up and out of the well. Your silent screams for help appear to fall on deaf ears. Your once secure and normal life has suddenly plummeted into the depths of despair. You feel as though you have lost control of everything. You doubt your self-worth. Everything appears hopeless. Many years ago I was down in that well of depression. I saw no ready answers for the problems I was facing. Many people would probably have viewed these difficulties as minor dilemmas; simple and easy to solve. At first, I was able to disguise my feelings. I appeared happy and coping with day to day activities. But as the days and weeks unfolded, I sank deeper and deeper into depression. I became so depressed that I dissolved into bouts of uncontrollable crying and sobbing. I would spend hours curled up in a ball trying to figure out a way to solve my problems. I could barely handle the responsibilities of being a wife and mother. I could not think clearly. I could not rationalize any easy solutions to my problems. I felt no one cared about me. I questioned my self-worth and the value of my existence. My thoughts of death had a calming effect over me. I believed that death would solve my problems and bring peace to my life. I cared very much for my family but their love could not dispel the need I had to end the pain. I hated my life. All I wanted was to STOP the pain. When someone is in a severe depression they often disguise their true feelings. They may appear normal; their usual selves. Some of their behaviors may seem out of character but nothing so unusual that we would question them. They may have financial problems, have recently finalized a divorce, or are coping with other family or job-related issues. The list is endless. Children may reach their decision to end their life as the result of physical or emotional abuse, ridicule or shunning by peers, feelings of abandonment by a parent through divorce or death, or an overwhelming sense of failure. Slowly over time, however, we may begin to notice a deviation in their personality. A once happy and outgoing person is now withdrawn and troubled. When asked how they are feeling they will smile and say “I’m just fine.” Human beings require certain basic needs such as food and water for survival. It is also important for survival to feel needed and appreciated; loved and valued. When our perceptions of life and living become skewed and there is no one to help us cope with depression we fall deeper and deeper into the well. It is during this difficult time that many people will compound their depression by using mind-altering drugs and/or alcohol (or other potentially addicting solutions such as chronic gambling or compulsive spending) as a means of coping with their emotional problems and their fears. These temporary remedies merely assist in numbing the pain but do nothing to resolve the reasons for the deep-seated problem of depression. It is imperative that all of us become more sensitive to the needs of our family members and friends. We must show more compassion, caring, and love. We must not judge people but rather provide support and offer positive suggestions to help them cope with their problems. If they had a physical illness—cancer or diabetes—we would not turn away from them. We should respond to emotional illness no differently. Do not be afraid to discuss suicide with them. If they admit to serious thoughts of suicide or a plan for ending their life take this as a red flag of warning. Please get immediate help! Do not shrug it off as a passing remark but a cry for help. We must lead them from the depths of despair into the light of a new day. Everyone who has struggled with depression, has contemplated suicide, or has attempted suicide deserves a second chance at life. We can be their lifeline.
Coping with Grief after Suicide
Two of the most difficult issues in coping with the grief of suicide are guilt and anger. Survivors constantly question why the person chose to take their own life. Was there something they themselves did that prompted this decision? Why didn’t the deceased ask for help before it was too late? Why didn’t the family or friends realize what was happening before it happened? The lives of the survivors become fragmented as they search for answers that never come. Even if they have a clue as to why the death occurred—such as a suicide note—they still cannot understand what was so wrong in this person’s life that they chose death. It is an endless game of questions with no answers. Survivors must come to grips with the fact that there may never be a definitive answer. They must relinquish this quest and focus on healing their grief-stricken heart. In my opinion, most suicides happen as the result of an accumulation of events rather than one particular incident. Please bear in mind that your loved one did not commit suicide because of anything you did or did not do; said or did not say. They were in a place of very deep emotional pain and wanted to end that pain. In order to end that pain they believed that they had to take their own life. They did not do it to hurt you. They did it to end the pain. Life is like an intricate puzzle. Each piece of the puzzle is fashioned in a unique way to create a complete picture. This puzzle takes a lifetime to finish. Every day another piece of the puzzle is shaped and designed to blend with the others. When someone we love dies, it is as if our puzzle is tossed in the air scattering the pieces everywhere. As we begin to rebuild our puzzle—our life—we realize a vital piece is missing. An empty spot in the border of the puzzle will always remind us of the person who has died. We become frustrated and may lose interest in completing this puzzle. All of the pieces are not there. It seems as though our puzzle will reflect someone who is not complete. You are so wrong! Grief and the healing process provide the opportunity to redesign this puzzle. You must learn to fashion and blend other pieces to accommodate the missing puzzle piece. You must direct your focus on life, your family, and living in spite of your loss. You must learn to love and laugh and remember the happy times you shared with those who have died. You have a choice and your choice should be life and loving. The reason I feel so strongly about suicide education and prevention is because at one time in my life I seriously contemplated suicide. I spent many days in that dark, lonely well. I had envisioned a detailed plan to take my own life. I know firsthand the depths of the emotional pain of depression and the physical toll that depression can have on a person’s body. I will always be indebted to my best friend, Gretchen, who reached out her hand to me and would not let go until I was strong enough to walk alone into the light of a new day. I will never allow myself to go back to that well of depression. My memories of that time in my life and the struggles I endured enable me to help others today. Those of us who are stronger must always be ready and willing to help other people who struggle with depression and emotional pain. We must lend them our strength and be their ray of hope.
Suicide and Firefighters
Firefighting contributes many elements of stress and emotional trauma few people in the general population ever witness in their lifetime. These men and women are placed in life-threatening situations and witness the reoccurring horrors of human injury and death daily. Their experiences often cause nightmares, flashbacks of the events, poor concentration, irritability, anger, etc. to name a few and may eventually result in diagnosable post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Likewise, other factors relevant to their profession may result in severe depression. They may have become injured or disabled as the result of their hazardous job and believe that they are no longer of value to their department or have a purpose in life. They may be struggling with the seemingly senseless line of duty death of someone from their department. However, their co-workers appear to be adjusting to these same situations with no apparent trouble. No one talks about the incident or the feelings they have inside. He or she assumes that everyone else is coping with the stress; hence, something must be wrong with them. Rather than asking for help (they may be perceived as weak), they will turn these feelings and thoughts inward. As each new incident or struggle occurs, they slip deeper and deeper into depression. If truth be known, many of our firefighters are suffering from the aftereffects of life-threatening or emotionally traumatic calls. Some are choosing help from a mental health professional and/or a peer support program. Sadly, others who are fearful of repercussions from their fellow fighters and their department in general, have chosen suicide to end the emotional pain. Although not acknowledge by most fire departments, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and suicide among firefighters are REAL problems and continue to increase daily. Also, the fire service is one of several emergency response professions that have the highest suicide rates in America. Since the early 1990’s, I have found that although key organizations including the International Association of Fire Chiefs (IAFC) and the International Association of Firefighters (IAFF) have recommended programs to reduce PTSD as well as the increasing numbers of suicides among firefighters, most department chiefs refuse to take a stand for their firefighters. They would rather suggest their firefighters suck it up and go on with their job or worse yet, belittle or poke fun at the apparent emotional struggles they are having with a particularly horrific call or calls. Following the death of a firefighter due to suicide, their families are often left to grieve on their own without the support of their spouse’s department. I have no doubt that this would not be the norm if the firefighter had died from a physical illness or a line of duty death. I speak from experience as a mortician and firefighter and formerly as an EMT-B when I say that what we see, touch, taste, and smell in our professions can, and usually does, have profound consequences on us physically, mentally, and emotionally. Lucky are those few who can deal with these issues and continue doing their job well. But for the men and women who struggle with depression and/or PTSD, I say that we can no longer turn our backs on our fellow brothers and sisters in the fire service because they are suffering from a mental or emotional illness as the result of their dedication and commitment to help others. We must openly support them in their needs and provide professional (mental health) care and peer support without the fear of being perceived as weak or facing possible dismissal from the department.
Copyright Peggy Sweeney. All rights reserved.
About the Author: Peggy Sweeney is founder and president of the Sweeney Alliance, a mortician and bereavement educator, and a member of the Comfort (TX) Volunteer Fire Department. She is certified in Bereavement Trauma and Emergency Crisis Response by the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress. For more than twenty years, Peggy has conducted numerous workshops for the public in general. In addition, she hosts two monthly support groups in Kerrville, TX: for parents who have had a child die (Halo of Love) as well as bereaved spouses/partners (Comfort and Conversation).~
Copyright Peggy Sweeney.
Survivors of Suicide
I have classified the survivors of suicide into three categories. First, people who have seriously contemplated suicide but have not followed through with their plan. If truth were known, I believe many people have had fleeting thoughts of taking their own life. Difficult problems with no apparent solution appear easier to solve if life was over. However, after a few hours or days they are able to resolve these problems and reinvest in life and living once again. Their thoughts of suicide dissipate and life returns to normal. Second, adults and children rescued before death following an attempted suicide. It has been my experience that one specific issue does not trigger genuine thoughts of suicide but rather a culmination of traumatic events or stressful situations. Left unresolved many people become overwhelmed by these events. All too often they believe suicide is the only answer. Their thoughts of suicide become more focused seemingly a ready answer for ending the deep emotional pain that has become their constant companion. They decide on a permanent solution for overcoming their fears or solving their problems. But in spite of their efforts to complete suicide someone stops them or calls 911 before it is too late. Rescuers have given them a second chance to rebuild their lives. Lastly, families and friends struggling with the death of someone loved who has completed suicide. When someone dies, it is always difficult for his or her family and friends to journey through grief. If their death, however, was due to suicide the trauma of their decision to end their life compounds the grieving process. The survivors must not only cope with grief but with the stigma that surrounds a death by suicide. This stigma began many centuries ago when the Catholic Church took a strong stand on the issue of suicide. Suicide was considered an unforgivable sin. The act of suicide went against the laws of God. Other churches agreed with this opinion and banned family members of suicide victims from participating in church functions. They were also shunned as outcasts by the people of the community. Their church and the people whom they needed the most at this devastating time turned their backs on them. Fortunately, our perceptions of suicide have changed over the years but many people still consider suicide a weakness. They condemn the victim for their actions and ignore the needs of the surviving family and friends. My personal opinion is that God is loving and forgiving. The family and friends (the survivors) need our love and support not our condemnation.
Understanding Suicide
To help you understand the severity of emotional trauma, I would like to paint a picture of what I have labeled the well of depression. It is a very deep, dark place; cold and lonely. The walls of this well are slimy and moss-covered. It smells putrid and the floor is broken and jagged; you are not able to maintain a stable footing. You have overwhelming feelings of emotional as well as physical pain. As you look up from the depths of the well you can see a faint glimmer of light. No matter how hard you try you cannot pull yourself up and out of the well. Your silent screams for help appear to fall on deaf ears. Your once secure and normal life has suddenly plummeted into the depths of despair. You feel as though you have lost control of everything. You doubt your self-worth. Everything appears hopeless. Many years ago I was down in that well of depression. I saw no ready answers for the problems I was facing. Many people would probably have viewed these difficulties as minor dilemmas; simple and easy to solve. At first, I was able to disguise my feelings. I appeared happy and coping with day to day activities. But as the days and weeks unfolded, I sank deeper and deeper into depression. I became so depressed that I dissolved into bouts of uncontrollable crying and sobbing. I would spend hours curled up in a ball trying to figure out a way to solve my problems. I could barely handle the responsibilities of being a wife and mother. I could not think clearly. I could not rationalize any easy solutions to my problems. I felt no one cared about me. I questioned my self-worth and the value of my existence. My thoughts of death had a calming effect over me. I believed that death would solve my problems and bring peace to my life. I cared very much for my family but their love could not dispel the need I had to end the pain. I hated my life. All I wanted was to STOP the pain. When someone is in a severe depression they often disguise their true feelings. They may appear normal; their usual selves. Some of their behaviors may seem out of character but nothing so unusual that we would question them. They may have financial problems, have recently finalized a divorce, or are coping with other family or job-related issues. The list is endless. Children may reach their decision to end their life as the result of physical or emotional abuse, ridicule or shunning by peers, feelings of abandonment by a parent through divorce or death, or an overwhelming sense of failure. Slowly over time, however, we may begin to notice a deviation in their personality. A once happy and outgoing person is now withdrawn and troubled. When asked how they are feeling they will smile and say “I’m just fine.” Human beings require certain basic needs such as food and water for survival. It is also important for survival to feel needed and appreciated; loved and valued. When our perceptions of life and living become skewed and there is no one to help us cope with depression we fall deeper and deeper into the well. It is during this difficult time that many people will compound their depression by using mind-altering drugs and/or alcohol (or other potentially addicting solutions such as chronic gambling or compulsive spending) as a means of coping with their emotional problems and their fears. These temporary remedies merely assist in numbing the pain but do nothing to resolve the reasons for the deep-seated problem of depression. It is imperative that all of us become more sensitive to the needs of our family members and friends. We must show more compassion, caring, and love. We must not judge people but rather provide support and offer positive suggestions to help them cope with their problems. If they had a physical illness—cancer or diabetes—we would not turn away from them. We should respond to emotional illness no differently. Do not be afraid to discuss suicide with them. If they admit to serious thoughts of suicide or a plan for ending their life take this as a red flag of warning. Please get immediate help! Do not shrug it off as a passing remark but a cry for help. We must lead them from the depths of despair into the light of a new day. Everyone who has struggled with depression, has contemplated suicide, or has attempted suicide deserves a second chance at life. We can be their lifeline.
Coping with Grief after Suicide
Two of the most difficult issues in coping with the grief of suicide are guilt and anger. Survivors constantly question why the person chose to take their own life. Was there something they themselves did that prompted this decision? Why didn’t the deceased ask for help before it was too late? Why didn’t the family or friends realize what was happening before it happened? The lives of the survivors become fragmented as they search for answers that never come. Even if they have a clue as to why the death occurred—such as a suicide note—they still cannot understand what was so wrong in this person’s life that they chose death. It is an endless game of questions with no answers. Survivors must come to grips with the fact that there may never be a definitive answer. They must relinquish this quest and focus on healing their grief-stricken heart. In my opinion, most suicides happen as the result of an accumulation of events rather than one particular incident. Please bear in mind that your loved one did not commit suicide because of anything you did or did not do; said or did not say. They were in a place of very deep emotional pain and wanted to end that pain. In order to end that pain they believed that they had to take their own life. They did not do it to hurt you. They did it to end the pain. Life is like an intricate puzzle. Each piece of the puzzle is fashioned in a unique way to create a complete picture. This puzzle takes a lifetime to finish. Every day another piece of the puzzle is shaped and designed to blend with the others. When someone we love dies, it is as if our puzzle is tossed in the air scattering the pieces everywhere. As we begin to rebuild our puzzle—our life—we realize a vital piece is missing. An empty spot in the border of the puzzle will always remind us of the person who has died. We become frustrated and may lose interest in completing this puzzle. All of the pieces are not there. It seems as though our puzzle will reflect someone who is not complete. You are so wrong! Grief and the healing process provide the opportunity to redesign this puzzle. You must learn to fashion and blend other pieces to accommodate the missing puzzle piece. You must direct your focus on life, your family, and living in spite of your loss. You must learn to love and laugh and remember the happy times you shared with those who have died. You have a choice and your choice should be life and loving. The reason I feel so strongly about suicide education and prevention is because at one time in my life I seriously contemplated suicide. I spent many days in that dark, lonely well. I had envisioned a detailed plan to take my own life. I know firsthand the depths of the emotional pain of depression and the physical toll that depression can have on a person’s body. I will always be indebted to my best friend, Gretchen, who reached out her hand to me and would not let go until I was strong enough to walk alone into the light of a new day. I will never allow myself to go back to that well of depression. My memories of that time in my life and the struggles I endured enable me to help others today. Those of us who are stronger must always be ready and willing to help other people who struggle with depression and emotional pain. We must lend them our strength and be their ray of hope.
Suicide and Firefighters
Firefighting contributes many elements of stress and emotional trauma few people in the general population ever witness in their lifetime. These men and women are placed in life-threatening situations and witness the reoccurring horrors of human injury and death daily. Their experiences often cause nightmares, flashbacks of the events, poor concentration, irritability, anger, etc. to name a few and may eventually result in diagnosable post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Likewise, other factors relevant to their profession may result in severe depression. They may have become injured or disabled as the result of their hazardous job and believe that they are no longer of value to their department or have a purpose in life. They may be struggling with the seemingly senseless line of duty death of someone from their department. However, their co-workers appear to be adjusting to these same situations with no apparent trouble. No one talks about the incident or the feelings they have inside. He or she assumes that everyone else is coping with the stress; hence, something must be wrong with them. Rather than asking for help (they may be perceived as weak), they will turn these feelings and thoughts inward. As each new incident or struggle occurs, they slip deeper and deeper into depression. If truth be known, many of our firefighters are suffering from the aftereffects of life-threatening or emotionally traumatic calls. Some are choosing help from a mental health professional and/or a peer support program. Sadly, others who are fearful of repercussions from their fellow fighters and their department in general, have chosen suicide to end the emotional pain. Although not acknowledge by most fire departments, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and suicide among firefighters are REAL problems and continue to increase daily. Also, the fire service is one of several emergency response professions that have the highest suicide rates in America. Since the early 1990’s, I have found that although key organizations including the International Association of Fire Chiefs (IAFC) and the International Association of Firefighters (IAFF) have recommended programs to reduce PTSD as well as the increasing numbers of suicides among firefighters, most department chiefs refuse to take a stand for their firefighters. They would rather suggest their firefighters suck it up and go on with their job or worse yet, belittle or poke fun at the apparent emotional struggles they are having with a particularly horrific call or calls. Following the death of a firefighter due to suicide, their families are often left to grieve on their own without the support of their spouse’s department. I have no doubt that this would not be the norm if the firefighter had died from a physical illness or a line of duty death. I speak from experience as a mortician and firefighter and formerly as an EMT-B when I say that what we see, touch, taste, and smell in our professions can, and usually does, have profound consequences on us physically, mentally, and emotionally. Lucky are those few who can deal with these issues and continue doing their job well. But for the men and women who struggle with depression and/or PTSD, I say that we can no longer turn our backs on our fellow brothers and sisters in the fire service because they are suffering from a mental or emotional illness as the result of their dedication and commitment to help others. We must openly support them in their needs and provide professional (mental health) care and peer support without the fear of being perceived as weak or facing possible dismissal from the department.
Copyright Peggy Sweeney. All rights reserved.
About the Author: Peggy Sweeney is founder and president of the Sweeney Alliance, a mortician and bereavement educator, and a member of the Comfort (TX) Volunteer Fire Department. She is certified in Bereavement Trauma and Emergency Crisis Response by the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress. For more than twenty years, Peggy has conducted numerous workshops for the public in general. In addition, she hosts two monthly support groups in Kerrville, TX: for parents who have had a child die (Halo of Love) as well as bereaved spouses/partners (Comfort and Conversation).~
Copyright Peggy Sweeney.
If you have an article or any news you would like to share email it to Chaplain Robert at Fire.chaplain@sbcglobal.net
